School Problems: Causes and Cures (HELP for Families Book 2)

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Let them know that whatever they say is okay. Make talking about the divorce an ongoing process. As children age and mature, they often have new questions, feelings, or concerns about what happened, so you may want to go over the same ground again and again. Acknowledge their feelings. You may not be able to fix their problems or change their sadness to happiness, but it is important for you to acknowledge their feelings rather than dismissing them.

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You can also inspire trust by showing that you understand. Many kids believe that they had something to do with the divorce, recalling times they argued with their parents, received poor grades, or got in trouble. To help your kids let go of this misconception:. Set the record straight. Repeat why you decided to get a divorce.

Understanding Dyslexia

Sometimes hearing the real reason for your decision can help. Be patient. As often as you need to, remind your children that both parents will continue to love them and that they are not responsible for the divorce. Children have a remarkable ability to heal when given the support and love they need. Your words, actions, and ability to remain consistent are all important tools to reassure your children of your unchanging love.

Both parents will be there. Let your kids know that even though the physical circumstances of the family unit will change, they can continue to have healthy, loving relationships with both of their parents. Physical closeness—in the form of hugs, pats on the shoulder, or simple proximity—has a powerful way of reassuring your child of your love. Be honest. When kids raise concerns or anxieties, respond truthfully. Help your kids adjust to change by providing as much stability and structure as possible in their daily lives.

But creating some regular routines at each household and consistently communicating to your children what to expect will provide your kids with a sense of calm and stability. Kids feel safer and more secure when they know what to expect next. Maintaining routine also means continuing to observe rules, rewards, and discipline with your children. Resist the temptation to spoil kids during a divorce by not enforcing limits or allowing them to break rules.

The first safety instruction for an airplane emergency is to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you put it on your child. When it comes to helping your kids through your divorce, the take home message is: take care of yourself so that you can be there for your kids.

Every parent's exhausting roster

The breakup of a relationship can trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling emotions. As well as grieving the loss of your relationship, you may feel confused, isolated, and fearful about the future. Exercise often and eat a healthy diet. And although cooking at home or learning to cook for one involves more effort than ordering in, eating healthfully will make you feel better , inside and out—so skip the junk and convenience food.

See friends often.

Keep a journal. Writing down your feelings, thoughts, and moods can help you release tension, sadness, and anger.

Lean on friends. Never vent negative feelings to your child. Whatever you do, do not use your child to talk it out like you would with a friend. Keep laughing. Try to inject humor and play into your life and the lives of your children as much as you can; it can relieve stress and give you all a break from sadness and anger. See a therapist. If you are feeling intense anger, fear, grief, shame, or guilt, find a professional to help you work through those feelings. A child who seems not to be focusing in school could have chronic worries that teachers and even parents are not aware of. A child with separation anxiety might be so preoccupied about something bad happening to her parents while she is apart from them that she is unable to concentrate on schoolwork.

Some kids are extremely worried about making a mistake or embarrassing themselves. When the teacher is calling on them, they may try to disappear, Dr. Shuster notes. Kids with OCD , which often starts in the grade-school years, have an added source of distraction: They not only have obsessive thoughts, but feel they must perform rituals, or compulsions, to prevent bad things from happening.

A child with OCD might be compulsively lining things up on his desk, or tapping, or counting in his head. Or he might be focused on needing to go to the lavatory to wash his hands. Children can also appear to be suffering from inattention when they have been impacted by a trauma.


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Kids whose home lives involve acute stress may develop these symptoms, or even post-traumatic stress disorder. Jamie Howard, a clinician at the Child Mind Institute who specializes in trauma. When a child seems to be looking everywhere but at the pages of the book she is supposed to be reading, another possible cause is that she has a learning disorder. Join our list and be among the first to know when we publish new articles. Get useful news and insights right in your inbox. Ketcham, enabling is precisely as she described it — to allow, permit, facilitate, etc. But as with any word, it must be understood within context.

In this context, it means enabling behaviors indicative of substance use. Not how enabling hurts your feelings. We live in a world of cause and effect. And I will bet my bottom dollar that of all the reasons one could possibly proffer, enabling is the 1 cause. Not poverty, not family discord, and not even addicted parents. And we need to know how to proceed if behaviors seem unusual. We should know their friends, especially the new ones. Knowing the red flags are like human smoke detectors, without which this disorder grows unnoticed.

We should know. We should be current on the events that could deleteriously affect them — if not now, maybe later. Knowledge is power, and both are necessary to fight back. This kind of power can bring early education into the schools — where it belongs. These are just a few of the strategies to fight back.

The second statement has been lightly touched on.

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Substance use is caused by something. Because it makes enabling the villain of your feelings people acting condescendingly, etc. Eight years ago she was cum laude with a B. If your feelings from this stigma are so overwhelming, please deal with it professionally. Misguiding those looking for truth about issues pertaining to drug-free kids is doing no one any good.

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Please leave a comment below to contribute to the discussion. If you have a specific question, please contact a Parent Specialist , who will provide you with one-on-one help. Need help addressing substance use in your family? Our Parent Specialists are here for you. Learn more about our Helpline. Exciting Changes are Coming We are merging with Center on Addiction to transform how our nation addresses addiction. June 27, by Kathy Ketcham, Parent. I hate the word enable. Enough already. We see the people we love in trouble.